Today I have what I call, “Alcoholic Blues.” Just a feeling of not being able to get out of my own way. It’s not the usual blues people get, what comes with it is flashes of memories of some of the really awful, stupid, just plain dumb things I did when I was a full-time drunk. I know I should be thinking, ” Thank God,” those days are years behind me and they are. But there are days it seems that all that happened was just last week. It can get you down for no real reason. Just because. I sit here typing this little article out and thinking of all the things I did not accomplish with my life because I was real full-time Alcoholic.
I never asked to be an Alcoholic. I would not wish Alcoholism on my worst enemy. Frankly, it’s a bitch. Alcoholism robs you of years of your life wasted in a drunk haze. The only saving grace is I am here to write about it today. I have known a number of people close to me that after being sober for several years or more, picked up a drink and within a short period of time, they were dead. Yes, you read correctly, dead. Alcoholism is a deadly disease. It does not discriminate. It does not care if you are poor or wealthy, educated or a high school drop-out. If a sober Alcoholic goes back to drinking the cards are stacked against him or her. They may never make it back to the rooms of AA. They may never regain the sobriety they once had. Some people in AA will say that this person who went back to drinking never really was sober to begin with. To that I say non-sense. Any Alcoholic can go back to drinking if the circumstances are right. And going back to drinking puts your life out there in the hands of fate.
I guess I am feeling a little sorry for myself, but more than that I am feeling a deep anger, as to why I had to become an Alcoholic. Why I threw away years of my life drinking. Who knows what damage I did to myself physically and mentally. I am angry at my disease today, why I have to fight the “beast,” everyday. I stay away from a drink because I know no matter what that I cannot drink. I cannot drink like a “normal” person. I cannot drink in any way that would be healthy for me. The disease at times, ( and they are far and few between, Thank God, ), tells me you can have a beer or two. I don’t listen to that little voice. I know it is my disease working on me. I just wonder what maybe I could have done with my life if I did not have to spend 110% of my energy fighting off the urge to drink and get sober so many years ago. And now, the daily battle that comes with the disease as it just patiently waits for me to have a really bad day and that little voice to over take me in a moment of weekness and go out and have a few beers.
Today I am angry at my disease. Today I am angry as to why I had to become an Alcoholic and have it be the main focus pint of my life. But, the flip side is I am eternally grateful I am alive and here to talk about it.
Get Help for your Alcoholic loved one. Alcoholism is a serious disease, and it kills people who do not seek Alcoholic Treatment.
Alcoholism is a serious disease, and it kills people who do not seek Alcoholic Treatment. Stop yyour Alcoholic Binge Drining just for a few hours and go an AA Meeting, Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting, do it tonight!
Save a Life, save the Life of your Alcoholic loved one. Alcoholism is a serious disease, and it kills people who do not seek Alcoholic Treatment. Get your Alcoholic loved one to an Alcohol Treatment program, or take them to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, do it today, before it is too late.